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De fleste golfspillere er hyggelige å spille med.
Noen er det ikke. Personene på bildet har ikke noe med artikkelen å gjøre, men
de er helt sikkert hyggelige, å spille med.
01.05 De mest irriterende medspillerne:
Det er noen spillere man unngår å spille med - heldigvis er de aller fleste hyggelige
Det er ikke alle det er like morsomt å spille golf sammen med. Golf Digest har sett på
saken. Her er både humor og et snev av alvor involvert.
Mange kan ha en del å lære av disse eksemplene som både er morsomme, men likevel
seriøse – de fleste av dem.
Golf Digest har illustrasjoner til de ulike seansene. Her er bare teksten
1 Unsolicited Swing Advice Guy
Defining characteristics: Knows exactly how to fix your swing even though you
didn't ask. Employs a vast array of swing jargon that only confuses you further.
Favorite expression: "Wait, try this!"
2 The Human Rain Delay
Defining characteristics: Thinks he is honoring spirit of the game by never
picking up. Not in the spirit of the game: dragging his foursome through a
three-and-a-half hour front nine. Favorite expression: "Put me down for a 10."
3 Cell Phone Guy
Defining characteristics: Considers golf course an extension of his office, home,
therapist's couch, etc. Has perfected the balancing-phone-on-the-shoulder wedge
shot. Favorite expression: "You guys hit. I gotta take this."
4 The Cart Girl Schmoozer
Defining characteristics: Convinced he's got a shot with the cart girl. Would be
crushed to learn she offered the same flirty laugh and bag of nuts to foursome
of geeks up ahead. Favorite expression: "We'll take four beers and one more
5 The Parking Lot Pro
Defining characteristics: Color-coordinated outfit, matching logos and oversized
tour bag suggest he's played professionally. Topped drive off the first tee
suggests otherwise. Favorite expression: "These are the same shoes Tiger wears."
6 The Air Counter
Defining characteristics: Can't remember his score without reliving every shot
in detail. Favorite expression: "One in the pond, two drop, three back in the
pond. Four I had that funky lie in the bunker and left it in the bunker ... "
7 The Frat Boy
Defining characteristics: Unable to fathom a round of golf without a steady
stream of adult beverages. Idea of restraint is to hold off drinking ... until
the second hole. Favorite expression: "A few beers will loosen up that swing!"
8 Cigar Guy
Defining characteristics: The easiest golfer to locate on the course thanks to
waft of smoke trailing behind him. Oblivious to playing partners struggling for
air -- and the ash droppings on his belly. Favorite expression: "Straight from
9 The Sandbagger
Defining characteristics: The 15 handicap who is somehow playing "much better"
than he has in years. Feigns apology when he drops bunker shot within inches of
cup, then kicks sand off his shoes like a tour pro. Favorite expression: "I
guess it's just one of those days..."
10 Oblivious Guy
Defining characteristics: So preoccupied with his own game never looks for
anyone else's ball. When driving a cart, always blows past your ball and heads
directly to his. Favorite expression: "But enough about me. What do YOU think of
11 Ball Retriever Guy
Defining characteristics: Never passes a water hazard without his trusty scoop
at the ready. Last bought a new sleeve of balls in the late 80s. Favorite
expression: "Whoa! A ProV1!"
12 The Volcano
Defining characteristics: Has unique ability to allow even the most pleasant
days to be soured by any bad swing, bounce, or lie. Relies on Ball Retriever Guy
to occasionally fetch clubs out of lake. Favorite expression: "[Not printable]"
13 Delusional Guy
Defining characteristics: Forces group to wait on every par 5 because he's
convinced he can get home in two. Usually get there in four. Favorite expression:
"If I really catch it, I can get there."
14 Mulligan Guy
Defining characteristics: Liberally allows himself another whack even when first
shot is findable.
Favorite expression: "Wait, wait, wait. I gotta try another."
15 The Plumb Bobber
Defining characteristics: The only guy in the group not to notice the foursome
behind yelling from the fairway as he lines up his putt for double from every
angle imaginable. Favorite expression: "Son of a gun, I actually think it goes
16 Yardage Book Guy
Defining characteristics: Has to walk off every blade of grass before hitting.
After contemplating whether a shot is 176 yards or 178, ends up hitting it 150.
Favorite expression: "I can't decide if it's a hard 7 or a soft 6."
17 The Cheat
Defining characteristics: A sympathetic figure when he pushes his tee shot deep
into the woods. Not as sympathetic: When he announces his ball somehow stayed in
bounds -- with a clear shot to the green! Favorite expression: "Better to be
lucky than good!"
18 The Overcelebrater
Defining characteristics: Treats every holed three footer as if just won the
Masters. Has sent multiple playing partners home early thanks to overzealous
chest bumping. Favorite expression: "Yes SIR!"
19 Mr. Magoo
Defining characteristics: The absent-minded member of your group who leaves an
assortment of wedges, towels, and clubhead covers scattered throughout the
course. Favorite expression: "Doggone it, where did I leave my 56?"
20 The Christopher Columbus
Defining characteristics: Doggedly searches for lost balls as if they're
encrusted in diamonds. Thinks the rest of the group cares as much as him.
Favorite expression: "I saw it hooking by the far tree, so if we all just walk
slowly on this line. . ."
21 The Just-Had-A-Lesson Guy
Defining characteristics: Always in the midst of a swing overhaul, is awash in
new thoughts after a half hour with the assistant pro. Favorite expression: "Bear
with me guys. Randy has me working on a few new things."
22 The Clueless Dad
Defining characteristics: Wants to introduce his young son to the joys of golf,
even if it means six hours of misery for everyone else. Favorite expression: "I
hope you don't mind. Justin here is new to the game."
23 The Vanity Handicapper
Defining characteristics: Self-proclaimed "12" who has trouble breaking 100.
Favorite expression: "I don't know WHAT's going on with my swing!"
24 The Cart Daredevil
Defining characteristics: Reverts to his inner 13-year-old as soon as he gets
behind the wheel of a cart. Has never met a "Cart Path Only" sign that pertains
to him. Favorite expression: "Man, if only this thing didn't have a governor!"
25 The Raker
Defining characteristics: Shamelessly gives himself any putt within earshot of
the cup, regardless of what's on the line. Favorite expression: "I'll just get
this out of the way. . ."
26 The Ansel Adams
Defining characteristics: Incapable of letting a moment pass without trying to
capture the perfect photo, whether it's of a person, hole, or squirrel. Favorite
expression: "Hold on guys, let's get one here with the ball washer in the
27 Rangefinder Guy
Defining characteristics: Overly reliant on his yardage device, to the extent
that he can't fathom anyone navigating a course without it. Favorite expression:
"Wait! I'll give you the exact number."
28 The Sulker
Defining characteristics: Even on the most beautiful days, a series of bad
swings causes him to withdraw into his own cloud of misery. Will go holes on end
without communicating with the rest of the group. Favorite expression: "(Inaudible
mumbling to self)."
29 Sunscreen Guy
Defining characteristics: Combination of long-sleeve shirt, bucket hat and 90
SPF makes you feel your own sun protection efforts are woefully insufficient.
Favorite expression: "Do me a solid -- can you get the back of my legs?"
30 Overactive Bladder Guy
Defining characteristics: Only catches fragments of conversations because he's
endlessly B lining into woods. Favorite expression: "Wow, guess I had too much
31 The Distracted Boyfriend
Defining characteristics: Usually in the early stages of a relationship, thinks
she actually cares that he's hit three straight fairways. Favorite expression: "You
are such a natural. Are you SURE this is your first time?"
32 The Color Commentator
Defining characteristics: Has perfected the art of the Roger Maltbie audible
whisper. Likes to narrate your three-footer for double as if the Ryder Cup is at
stake. Favorite expression:
33 The Snob
Defining characteristics: Only slumming at your course because "they're punching
the greens at the club." Unfamiliar with the concept of changing shoes in the
parking lot. Favorite expression: "It looks like our line is . . . is that an
34 The Fidgeter
Defining characteristics: Picks the most inopportune moments for ripping velcro
of his glove, opening a bag of potato chips, or trying to jam his irons back
into his bag. Favorite expression: "My bad. Did that bother you?"
35 The Jinx
Defining characteristics: Thinks he's being nice by telling you this is the best
he's seen you play. Only introduces the notion that it can't last. Favorite
expression: "Somebody is going to break 80 for the first time!"
36 The Rules Nazi
Defining characteristics: Will call out innocuous violations even in friendly
games. Thinks he's doing you a favor by pointing out you're carrying 15 clubs.
Favorite expression: "No, no. Three in the water, four out, five back in the
water. . ."
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